As we are always preparing to be happy, it is inevitable that we should never be so.
- Blaise Pascal
There never seems to be a logical point for beginning anything, so I'll start this blog in medias res, right here in the middle of my mental swamp.
I had cause to think a great deal about happiness the past few days - the nature of happiness, why some of us achieve it and why some never seem to so much as taste it. I've come to the following conclusions:
Happiness means you've let other people off the hook. If you're happy, if you allow yourself to fully dive into positive emotions, you can no longer use your misery as proof that others have wronged you. You can't accuse them of making you unhappy anymore, and you lose your case against them. Having something to show for your suffering is satisfying on some level, and even necessary at times - we have to go through our anger and grief and pain to reach the other side where clarity becomes an option. But when happiness comes back into view and can once again be grasped, you have to wave goodbye to the grim pleasure of blaming others. You survived. You cannot point the finger at them anymore. Choosing to remain miserable keeps other people on trial for having harmed you. You remain as judge, jury, and star witness to the prosecution. You have to decide if a guilty verdict is even possible, and whether or not it will really bring the justice and peace you seek. Be your own vindicator and declare a mistrial. It doesn't make what happened to you right. It doesn't declare it null and void. It simply frees you from the shackles of holding them accountable for the way you feel.
Happiness is so often a choice, one requiring determination. Sinking into our own inner muck is comfortable and easy. Rising above it requires effort. It is essentially a form of personal responsibility, as bland as that concept seems. It requires constantly seeking the proverbial silver lining in circumstances beyond our control. It's work.
This is just one set of reflections on the subject matter.
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Three things:
ReplyDelete1) One of the programs on NPR (whose name escapes me at the moment) talked about "happiness," and cited a study finding that people best able to fool & delude themselves (ie "stupid") people were by far more likely to rate themselves as "happy." For me, it seemed more an issue of boundaries, and ability to distance yourself would be a better way to look at the study's results....distance created either because you're an idiot, or because of good mental discipline at setting boundries. I can get you the link, if you're interested.
2) A friend of mine last week had a stupidly weird circumstance that could only be explained by the "Green Men." I explained who they were (crediting you), and my friend had to agree.....
3) I am thrilled that you are going to be taking the time to tell, those of us who care, what you're thinking.......Even those who (probably) wildly disagree with you. But we still love & respect you (at the risk of getting all maudlin).
1) I think the issue of boundaries is very interesting and I'd like to see the link, if it's not too much trouble.
ReplyDelete2) The green men are never going to leave you alone, you know.
3) You might not disagree as much as you expect.